


Sirius Black: The Drama Queen

by KoraKwidditch



Series: Marauders Crack Fics [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), References to Shakespeare, Speeches, Young James Potter, Young Remus Lupin, Young Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:06:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23302867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoraKwidditch/pseuds/KoraKwidditch
Summary: Sirius‘s girlfriends break up with him.Written for Hermione's Nook Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest!
Series: Marauders Crack Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1675846
Comments: 14
Kudos: 9
Collections: Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest





	Sirius Black: The Drama Queen

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:  
> Black Card: And then, everything was ruined by: _______  
> White Card: Sirius Black; the world's biggest drama queen  
> Beta love to Mrs_Poncey!
> 
> This work has been turned into a podfic by the talented SonnenFlower! Find it [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753177)

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/143851546@N04/49697647933/in/dateposted-public/)

Sirius Black: The Drama Queen

Sirius sighed for the millionth time that evening as he sprawled on the couch in the Gryffindor common room. Remus and James quirked twin eyebrows at him, while Peter wasn’t even paying attention. 

Sirius sighed louder and shifted on the cushions, staring at the ceiling. 

Rolling his eyes, James cracked first. “What’s wrong, Sirius?” 

“Women! I don’t understand why they’re so upset with me. Oh, woe is me.” Sirius threw his arm over his face and tucked it into the crease of his elbow. 

Now it was Remus’s turn to sigh. He was used to Sirius Black, the world's biggest drama queen, ruining everything. Remus closed his textbook and shifted away from his papers. He knew full well Padfoot would keep sighing and being a general annoyance until someone gave him his full undivided attention. 

James did the same on the other side of the couch as Remus poked Sirius‘s side. “Well, go on then. Tell us what’s wrong.” 

Sirius sighed again and with a dramatic flair, flung his arm off his face. “Mine own loveth is divided in two and mine own lovers has’t discovered each other! Anon they’ve forsaken me and hath left me with a broken heart.” 

Remus rubbed his temples as a headache formed behind his eyes. “Why are you speaking like that?” 

Sirius leapt from the couch and strode to the fireplace. Turning to face his friends, he placed a hand on his chest, and stretched the other in the air as he formed his face into an innocent expression. 

“That matter’s not, Remus! Mine own heart is broketh, I fear I shalt never be joyus again. I shalt die an old man, never to be loved by another. O’ Marlene! With hair shining liketh the sun, and a smile just as bright. O’ Anna! Her dark features shalt forever be branded in mine own mind, just as the memory of the hidden corridors whereth we made love-” 

“Sirius!” Remus yelled, cutting him off from his ramblings. “What are you doing?” 

Peter was clapping beside him, impressed with Padfoot’s dramatic monologue. James and Remus both shot him a glare, and he squeaked before sitting on his hands. 

“I’m telling you what happened.” Sirius crossed his arms and jutted out his hip. “You asked what was wrong.” 

“But why are you doing it like _that?_ ”

“Yeah, it’s like you’re in Shakespeare or something.” James piped up from beside him. 

Sirius swept the bangs from his eyes with a flourish and looked up to the ceiling. “Mine friends, please. Cannot thee seeth I’m hurting? That I am withering hence into nothingness without their loveth?”. 

“So Marlene and Anna found out about each other? And now you’re upset?” James asked.

“They tore out mine own heart from mine own chest and stomped on it as if 't be true it wast a weed beneath their feet.” Sirius’s eyes were closed as he replied, but cracked one slightly to look over at them as if to make sure they still paid attention to him. 

Remus’s head now pounded from the idiocy of his friend. Sirius opened his mouth again to say something else but Remus stood from his seat, and levelled him with a glare. The next full moon was in two days, he couldn't muster the patience for this shit.

“I’m not listening to any more of this lunacy, Padfoot. You’ve been dating Anna for four months and Marlene for two, it was only a matter of time before they found out about each other! You’re not fucking Romeo, fucking two Juliets.” Remus stalked from the common room, and when he mounted the stairs to head to his dorm he heard Sirius start another monologue. 

“Betrayed by mine own friend! Oh, woe is me!” 

Sirius Black, the worlds biggest fucking drama queen, always ruined everything.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[PODFIC] Sirius Black: The Drama Queen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753177) by [SonnenFlower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonnenFlower/pseuds/SonnenFlower)




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